personal

Lot's Of Things Happening

o, this week has been pretty busy, hence why I haven't posted anything much. Pat, the firefighter I talked about in my first post stopped back in last Friday, we discussed the merits of living in small towns, college and following your dreams for work. He really is a good guy, genuinley in a good mood each time I see him.

I paid for a guy's cab ride because he was stranded fter leaving the hospital, met and flirted (a lot) with a girl, got her phone number...I really should text her at some point. Uh, got paid, bought some clothes that I needed, had the car run out of gas magically across the street from a gas station so that was lucky. Sent money to someone because they had their bank screw them over, which I know how that feels.

I also realized I like anonymously helping people in some way or other. Not because it makes me feel like a good person or anything, because I'm not, but because it feels like I'm starting to pay back all the people who've helped me over the years. There's one in particular I need to actually pay back, but there's been so many to help me out and I have no way of even knowing how to contact a lot of them anymore, so I'll do what I can, small things, to help other people out.

Had three customers tell me I should be in radio or voice acting...in one day. The few followers I have on tumblr agre that I should so I guess that's a thing I'm going to start dabbling in? A friend and I are working on doing some dubs f a comic just for the hell of it, so we'll see what happens.

Oh, almost finished with the next page of Dead, been in an art slump of maddening hell as of late but I've at least been sketching again. Now that I dont' have any major releases (that I'm covering at least) for the next month or so I should be good. I'd better build a buffer for November though. Uh, well, this has been another rambling post about nothing important.

Just Over A Month

Well hello there. It's been a month, thought I should update this. I should be in bed right now, honestly, so I don't know why I'm not saving this for later, but fuck it, y'know?

So it's been an alright month. I've been steadily working on Hunted, got a bit more done on Dead, got some stuff done for podcast stuff, just replaced the shit modem so we can stream and I started working on a TWINE game. I've also met some really rad people, and got in touch again with some old friends, so all in all this has been a pretty nice month.

So in terms of actual work and stuff, been cranking out videos over on ReV's, currently playing Banner Saga and Deer God. Banner Saga is...interesting. It's gorgeously animated, the soundwork is subtle and really well done and the story is really engrossing so far, but it's very very slow paced. It's meant to be a true saga, and I can respect that. It's also fucking stressful and fuck, so that's a thing.

The Deer God is also interesting; mostly in that it's very beautiful and I still feel like I don't know a damn thing about what I'm doing in that game. You pretty much just run right and do simple tasks for people, all while trying not to die. I dunno, we'll see how it goes.

As for Dead work, I streamed drawing for a while a few days ago, getting work on the next page done.

Vann and I have also been working on doing some redesigns to characters because, well, when I made them I knew pretty much nothing about framing, patterns and basic design.

So Clem's look is going through a bit of an overhaul right now, and we'll eventually go through everyone.

 

I think I mentioned it before, but I started another podcast just about gaming news called The Backlog which I'm trying to get better about recording regularly.

Another part of Hunted went up recently as well and I tried to go for a little bit more of a radio play vibe for it? I don't know, I'll keep refining it.

There's a ton of stuff that I, Vann, Eli and Max have been doing lately and we're doing our best to get more done. Percentages will hopefully be back regularly once school settles for Max and we're going to try to do weekly livestreams starting this or next week. (Art/podcasts first and games starting in May). Dead is still on a it'll-be-posted-when-it's-posted thing because of the amount of time it takes and how much Max has to get done with school. Hunted will continue to attempt to post more than once every three months, and hopefully I'll have an update about that TWINE game soon. Uh, that's about all for now. I should have been to sleep a while back so I'm gonna do that. G'night, everyone.

One Brick at a Time (In Which I Get Uncomfortably Personal)

I want to build an empire.

That's what I keep telling myself when things get boring, or hard or stressful. I told myself that a lot yesterday while I was at work. Yesterday was a bad day, I'll leave it at that.

It's true though; I want to build an empire.

I want to build this company into an equal to Rooster Teeth or Nerdist. A powerhouse that allows me and everyone else here to do what they love for a living instead of working for shit money at a shit job they hate. I want to be able to put actual funding into projects, help publish others' work, develop new things for us to do.

I want to look back at this in 5 years and see the beginnings of something great. I want to look back at it in 10 years and see the beginnings of something amazing.

But most of all I want to do something I love doing and be able to live off doing it. I want the same thing for my friend who're here with me. I want this silly little company, named after a throwaway robotic monster from Sagie and I's first actual joint project, to be able to fund getting NTR published when Sagie is ready. I want it to be able to fund publishing the first book of Dead. Or the first book of Amelia & Charlene for Amanda. Or fund starting a video side of the site doing sketches and shorts. Or a publishing side to help out kids who want to do the same thing with their lives.

I don't care about fame or fortune for myself, really. I just want enough to get by and not have to worry about if I have enough to eat and pay for the bus to work and still make rent for the month. But I do wish for a community. I wish for a group of people that bond over the things we make, who interact with us and each other.

I have a feeling this post will be quite long, so I'll sum it up right now so you can stop reading if you get bored or don't want to continue; I want to build something that will maybe make some people happy.

Alright, and now for story time kids. Just a warning though to some people, if there are any reading this, I'm going to be talking about suicide so stop here if that's something that'll set you off, okay?

The thing that started me on this whole train of thought was attempting for the umpteenth time to write an email to Geoff of Rooster Teeth.

I wanted to tell him how he saved my life a while back without ever knowing it or having met me at all.

I don't always do so well emotionally. Sometimes things happen in life and I take them pretty hard. A bit too hard. It was one of those times. I'll spare you the details of it all but I can say that I was at a pretty damn low point mentally and emotionally. I had decided that enough was enough and that I was finally going to go through with killing myself. It's something I'd attempted before but had either failed (yeah, I know...I even screw that up) or had been stopped/stopped myself. But that time I decided I was going to go through with it for sure.

I left my house as if I was going to work, went to the train tracks that weren't too far away and sat down on the tracks. The thing is, whenever I leave the house I have to have something playing in my ears. The sounds of the outside really just cause me an incredible amount of anxiety so I drown things out with podcasts and music. That day was a podcast day; early episodes of the RT podcast from when Geoff was still on it. I sat on the tracks, waiting for a train to come and listened to the episode (I really need to find exactly which it was) and eventually I go to a point that Geoff started laughing really hard.

Anyone who knows who Geoff is and has heard his laugh will be able to tell you it's one of the most joyful, infectious things you will ever hear. You can't help but laugh with him; and laugh I did. I laughed and laughed and laughed for probably about 10 minutes straight and without thinking about it I got up and started walking back home. I got home, went to youtube and started watching Fails of the Weak from the first episode and found more of Geoff's laugh. I called in sick for 3 days and I spent that time watching or listening to everything I could fit into that time that Rooster Teeth and Achievement Hunter had produced. I talked to friends, I got out of that dark place and started working on things again. That's around when I started Sky up, when I started drawing more, when I started writing more. (There's a lot of things I've done that I haven't posted, but might eventually) I started living and being okay. Not better, because untreated mental illness doesn't get magically better, but I was okay. I found a way to cope.

I still have that way of coping. I don't think I've missed a single RT or AH video in almost a year. I happily consume everything they produce and will continue to until they either shutter the company or I die.

That's why I want to build SSP into something. Why I've got so many things in my head that I want to make and do. Because if there's even one person out there who listens to us be assholes on the Progress Bar, or for some reason can't wait to hear what's going to happen next in Sky, or (when it's started) absolutely adores Dead, or any of the other things that'll be on this website (and the others I have planned) and it ends up making them rethink something, or keeps them company or get's them through a tough time, then any amount of time, effort or money I put into this is worth it. And it helps me as well. It helps keep me focused (one of the things at least) on what I want to do and how I want to go about doing it.

Nothing much left to say except that this may not seem like much now, but just wait. I'm going to make it into something.

So, uh, hi.

Been forever since I made a post here. Or anywhere really. How's everyone been? Good? Good. Things have been pretty hectic as of late. Lot's of moving, planning moving, working, more working, and a bunch of other things. I've barely had any time for creative pursuits, I apologize. 

I can't promise I'll be posting Sky in a timely manner all things considered, I'm a wee bit violently ill right now and I work 9 of the next 10 days, I believe.  But I'll attempt to record it as soon as I can. Dead is...in limbo right now. I'm still incredibly unsure of myself as an artist, but far more comfortable as a writer so Dead may turn into something else until such a time that I feel I can draw it and not hate every line in the page.

Enough about all that though, here's some art from yesterday. I'm not sure who she is or what she's from. I think I have a place for her in Sky, but I'm not quite positive yet. 

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